Everybody Grieves Different
A gentle note from us: As you read this article, it may allow for certain feelings and emotions to emerge. If grief is something you have struggled with and this goes beyond bereavement but grief in our everyday lives through relationships and self - then do not feel dismayed or alone it. Read this gently and if necessary revisit it when it feels right for you.
As we go through our lives, grief will show up in unexpected ways. Depending on the situation, it may be obvious and at times difficult to pinpoint, such as the change of a friendship and what it once was or the sadness that follows a chapter that closed abruptly. In most cases, the word ‘grief’ can primarily be associated with bereavement, but truthfully, I see grief and have experienced it in such a multitude of ways: a breakdown in a relationship, losing a friend or family member in bereavement and outgrown dreams. However it arrives, grief is very personal to the individual - and how we move through it… yeah that’s a personal journey too.
Recognising Grief in Unexpected Places
When we experience grief in a situation, it may not always come with closure. It may sit in the background as you continue to navigate life - an example of is a redundancy after a long tenure, fading friendships or an unexpected relationship break-up. It can be tough to process!
I remember when friendships ended that I really cared about and the suddenness was unsettling. My grief showed up in sadness, overthinking with many unresolved emotions. At the time, I didn’t realise it was grief, but with reflection I can see that I was experiencing the grief of that friendship, with all the discomfort it came with. I’m grateful to say that over time, processing grief for me has become a less weighted experience. What I’ve learnt is that grief can arrive quietly and remain silent. Nothing every circumstance has demanded tears from me especially as I’ve gotten older. Grief can at times, just sit in reflective moments and gradually be acknowledged before it softens as we process.
The Complexity of Emotion
Grief is never the same for everyone and the emotions that it brings can be different. In one instance the grief by bring peace and that on the flip side be extremely painful to deal with. Let’s be honest, it rarely makes sense once you’re going through it!
With grief, there are many layers - from numbness to confusion, yet sometimes relief may be present. When you acknowledge it, ask yourself whether you hold space for your feelings without judgement the way that your friends would.
I can remember grieving the fact that I had to re-do college and go to university as all my friends were about to start their journey. I had such a mixture of emotions especially discomfort that I was being left behind. Yet… I had gentle acceptance and peace from knowing that I could start again. I was grateful to one of my friends, who was extremely supportive of the fact that I made that choice for myself. If anything, that support from my family and friends gave my greater peace.
Letting Go, Gently
Now letting go is not the easiest thing to do. It’s something that has to be learnt slowly with compassion. We can hold on to moments, memories, or people because they shaped us or were very important in our lives. In time, we will begin to realise that releasing what no longer serves us doesn’t mean it wasn’t meaningful. It just means we are honouring the season it belonged to.
There’s been moments throughout my life, where I found it really hard to let go because I always felt like it had to be sudden to move on. It truly doesn’t. I appreciate what it was and what will be for me moving forward. The hardest thing I’ve found to let go has been my loved ones, but I honour my memories of them, even if I never met them. I knew what they meant to me and what they still do. The gentle side of grief has come with experience and acceptance to heal at my pace.
Permission to Heal
Give yourself permission to heal without perfection and above all honesty. No matter what you’re feeling each day, be gentle with yourself. We’re only human. You should be able to heal at your pace and not needing to be constantly strong at all times. Healing is pat of feeling human. There will be days that feel like making progress, and other days where we feel like we’re starting over again. I encourage you to give yourself permission to rest, pause and heal. Remember if healing takes longer than you thought, you’re still moving, just at your pace. Healing can look like starting again, finding joy again without guilt or asking for support where you need it.
Even in grief, there is still light to be found. Sometimes it looks like peace. Sometimes it looks like letting go. We hope this brought comfort or clarity, even in a small way. You’re not alone in the weight or wonder of what you’re feeling.
Pause & Reflect
Finish this sentence: “I’m still learning how to let go of…”
